RED CARPET SURVIVAL GUIDE BY LOGAN YUZNA

Clueless on the Red Carpet? No worries, here's your survival guide to shine like a star:

Logan Yuzna tells Empire Magazine (the most important Cinema magazine)

GOLDEN GLOBES RED CARPET SURVIVAL GUIDE
published in Empire Magazine Italy after the GG 2012

The Red Carpet is the bridge between fashion and cinema, and it gets its color from the actors that Joan Rivers verbally butchers with her sharp comedic critiques as the most relentless bad cop and head of the Fashion Police. If you are an aspiring film director or actor, you would probably like to attend an event like the Golden Globes one day, and even if you don't care about fashion, you would still  want to look good and be on your best behavior in order to honor your host and avoid the Fashion Police brutality, right? And who better to learn the fashion laws of the Red Carpet from than the highly trained officers that enforce them? E! and the cast of Fashion Police have provided us with the tools and insight needed in order to survive the Golden Globes Red Carpet when we get there!

1. Know the Event and Dress Accordingly

Generally, at a Red Carpet event, the "black tie" dress code is enforced, and this year's Golden Globes Red Carpet was no exception. However, some celebrities, including Fashion Police cast member George Kotisiopoulos, bent the rules by wearing suits that weren't black, and in some cases, ties that weren't bow ties. "Last night at the Golden Globes I was wearing a bordeaux velvet, Dolce and Gabanna tuxedo," admits George, fashion expert, editor, and stylist. "You really just have to gauge the event that you're going to and know the crowd you're with. I mean, last night was a very creative crowd, but if you're there with doctors and lawyers, you want to dress a little bit more conservatively […] I think as long as you look nice and you look like you've made an effort to get dressed, you can pretty much pass muster for sure."

The amount of dress code leeway in black tie events even differs amongst the Golden Globes and the Oscars. Fashion Police cast member and E! announcer Giuliana Rancic describes that "for the Globes you can have a little more fun, really experiment, and be a little more sexy and bombshelly, and then I think the Oscars are definitely a little more refined. They're more glamourous, more sophisticated."

Fashion Police producer and Joan's daughter, Melissa Rivers, offers an explanation for why the Golden Globes has a more relaxed dress code than the Oscars. "Going to the Globes, first of all, everyone is drinking, it's the beginning of the  year, people are just back from vacation, casts, no one is fighting, everyone likes each other, you can be funkier, you can take more of a risk. Where the Oscars is like i always used to say is you're going to your grandparents' house,  they have a lot of money,  you're not sure if you're in the will and they're extremely conservative. So you have the sleeves up to down, you got the tattoos covered, you got the piercings out, because you really still want a piece of the money."

Joan says that this rule even applies to everyday urban activities, as people on the street ask her to critique what they're wearing. "Construction workers say 'hey, Joan! What do you think?' and I say, "perfect for what you're doing!" 

2. Have a Good Attitude and Thick Skin

Even though Joan Rivers is the ultimate bad cop on the Fashion Police force, behind that appearance, she presents herself as a very kind, passionate women with a positive attitude. "You know," she says, "fashion is so much fun, and that's what I love about it, because it's so great to wear, and so you make a mistake; big deal! You know, we all make mistakes but the fun is being able to laugh about it and yet love it and that's what's so wonderful." It is this kind of positive thinking that will get you through deadly critique by the Fashion Police. "The show is about the audience out there watching, and the moment we sit down, we have to become critics," she explains. "Otherwise, there's no point in doing the show." Joan adds that if she is judging your outfit, chances are "you're making 20 million dollars a movie", so you shouldn't feel too bad!

Even if you arrive to the Golden Globes dressed in an outfit that the Fashion Police would consider to be a crime, having a positive attitude and genuinely enjoying the night can go a long way. "Some can be just clueless and have no idea that they're dressed the way they are," George explains, "but, you know what? Ultimately if they feel great that evening, you know, that's really all that matters. I mean, if you see a girl in a ridiculous dress on the red carpet, but she's got a big smile on her face, and she's standing up tall, that's a pretty good accessory to have as well. Confidence and a smile is good."

"You know what I love?" Joan Rivers asks. "I love the celebrities that get it. Sarah Jessica Parker, god bless her, cuz she will come right up to us and say 'tell me to my face!' One time she said to me, 'check the shoes, can you believe these?' I mean, you just love her for that, because she's always taking risks." Giuliana agrees. "To be a real fashionista you have to be on best dressed lists and you have to be on worst dressed lists, because it means you're taking chances. If you're not on both, then you're very safe, and so i think for us we love fashion, we love experimenting, so we're not scared to be on a worst dressed list. I think it's hilarious!"

Kelly Osbourne recognizes that thick skin is necessary if you're on the Red Carpet, especially running the risk of being critiqued by the Fashion Police. "A lot of people forget that it is a comedy show when they get insulted by some of the things we say. it's a comedy show, you've got to have a sense of humor about yourself if you're going to be in this industry." In any case, if you told Joan Rivers that a website was insulting the dress you wore at the Golden Globes, she would simply say, "why do you read it?"  

3. Dress to Respect

In George  Kotisiopoulos' words, the act of dressing up for an event "is really paying respect to your host […] no one has leeway there."  So even if you're an actor or a director at an awards show, you don't have the license to break more rules than other guests, rather you have the obligation to follow them more. To explain this concept, he says that "last night, it was the Golden Globes Awards. You're there to honor each other and everyone in your field; you should look presentable and pay respect."

4. Be prepared

When you are a famous actor or director walking the Golden Globes Red Carpet, you will have several people, including E! News correspondents Jason Kennedy and Catt Sadler, prepared to ask you questions that might be too personal to answer. "Just like we're prepared, they have to be prepared!" Jason says as Catt adds, "they're not walking the carpet unless they are prepared." If you go to the Globes alone, then you can keep your privacy safe, however, they will try to get answers out of your date if you bring one. "You have to get creative, because we're going to be asking tricky questions," Jason Kennedy says,  because if celebrities "is walking the Red Carpet, their significant others are fair game." So if you do plan on bringing a date with you, he suggests rehearsing with your significant other in the limo using the following formula: "if they ask this question, here's what you should say…"

5. Practice, Practice, Practice…

It seems like even some of the biggest actresses had to practice walking down the red carpet several times before mastering the art. "If you look at photos of even Julia Roberts, Kate Blanchett, Kate Winslet, from whenthey were first on the red carpet, I would doubt that they were all as eloquent as they are now," George Kotisiopoulos explains. "A lot of actors and actresses are kind of uncomfortable being models, I mean, it is a skill."  According to George, "posing on the red carpet is a skill that is learned, and the more that you do it, the better you get at it. I mean, some of these girls are pros; they know what angles to do, they know how to stand, and they even know the subtle angles of where to turn their heads, and they've learned it because they've been looking at all the photos of themselves on other red carpets. So, it's just like modeling: you kind of learn what works and what doesn't […] but you learn as you go along."  So, remember, actors; you won't have your directors there to hold your hands and walk you through the experience, and directors; it's time to direct yourselves!

6. If It's Not True Love, Don't Bring It

Inviting a girl to the Golden Globes Red Carpet to impress her may be effective, but at the same time, it is very hazardous! "It didn't surprise me that [Leonardo DiCaprio] was solo on the Red Carpet, he's not gonna do that in front of all the cameras." E! News correspondent Jason Kennedy identifies why DiCaprio didn't bring a date to the Red Carpet. "If he were to bring a girl on the Red Carpet last night, he's setting himself up to make that relationship work. What if they brake up in two weeks? Now it's awkward because you have all this file footage that we're going to use on our show, you know, time after time, and they're not even together anymore." So take a lesson from Leo: if she's not "the one," don't bring her to the Golden Globes!

7. Get Noticed

When an actress gets insulted by Joan Rivers during an episode of Fashion Police, they are instantly placed in the spotlight, which Joan considers to be great exposure. "You know what?" She asks.  "If I'm an actress and i wanna get noticed, I come dressed like a fucking frog! I mean, you're gonna get in the paper!" 

In 2003, the year that Jack Nicholson had won the Golden Globes award for best actor in a Drama ("About Schmidt"), Laura Flynn Boyle used this tactic to steal his thunder by attending the awards dressed as a ballerina. As Melissa Rivers tells it, "it was the first big event that they were not going to be going to together as a couple anymore, and it happened to be the Golden Globes, and she wore the ballerina shows all the way laced up, and she says, 'the Golden Globes and the Hollywood Foreign Press, he won. I lived the news. Congratulations, I won the night.'" Joan interrupts, "She was on every cover!" Melissa agrees, "They started the Today Show with a picture of her from the Golden Globes, and that was the night [Jack Nicholson] had won a Golden Globe and went on to win an Academy Award." Joan elaborates, "she was big and his picture was tiny."

George Kotisiopoulos disagrees with Melissa and Joan. "She won for attention, but she did not get sheik points," he clarifies. Joan rebuttals  simply and concisely with a "who cares!"  

8. If You're Going to Win, Dress Accordingly

If you're going to win, you have to look like you're going to win. Melissa Rivers identifies this concept with ease. "You can always tell who thinks they're going to win, because they're always dressed, the actresses, very conservatively, because that's the picture they're going to run at your obituary, because you're holding the Oscar. So you can always look back and say, 'she thought she was going to win, she thought she was going to win,' because they never take the big risk. Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman in the black… You can always tell who thinks they're going to win, because that's the obit picture."

9. Learn Your History

If you've ever watched the Golden Globes, you might have wondered how fashion is related to cinema, and if you're going to walk the red carpet yourself, you better know! Luckily, George Kotisiopoulos can shine some light on the subject. "Throughout history, designers have been hooked up with films, like Giorgio Armani doing the costumes for American Gigolo, Ralph Loren doing the costumes for The Great Gatsby, Givenchy collaborating with Audrey Hepburn for so many of her films… There's always been a synergy there. I think that it's become commercial and marketable and people have been cashing in on it in the last like 15 years where they're just realizing the connection. Before it was more organic. It was like, this designer was fond of this girl, and so he would want to dress her, and now there's more deals being put in place, so it's a little bit less organic, but it's there. I mean, you look at all of these designers have movie stars in their ad campaigns, and Scarlett Johansson is doing Dolce and Gabbana, Dior has Charlize Theron, I mean, they're all looking for that girl to be the face of their brand."

It works both ways; the actresses go into the fashion industry and the fashion goes into the movies, while the Golden Globes Red Carpet displays this collision to the world. George says that "sometimes the supermodels were replaced with actresses, and the designers are looking for a real woman, like, 'who is this character? who is this woman that speaks to our brand?' and they choose the appropriate girl to sell that. So it really works for everyone." 

10. Be Invited Back

Once you have survived your first Golden Globes Red Carpet, chances are you'll want to relive the experience. Ricky Gervais has relived the experience several times, having hosted the ceremony for the third time this year, making him an expert on being invited back. "He seemed to tone it down a little bit" Catt Sadler observes and asks suggestively, "do you think that somebody told him to do that?" Jason Kennedy agrees. "But I don't think it fell flat by any means," he says, comparing this year's performance to previous years. "In 2010 he had some harsh words for Paul McCartney, and in 2011 he had some harsh words for some supposedly gay scientologist, that was the big headline, and this year he talked about "The Beaver" and Jodie Foster. So, he definitely talked about some celebrities, and there was some controversy." Gervais did a good job of pleasing his hosts, the Golden Globes, while still giving his audience what they wanted. "He did play it a little safe, maybe insuring that he would get an invitation one more time," Catt adds, "but I think people still enjoy Ricky either way."

So, if Gervais was invited back, you should be fine. Just follow these ten steps, and you chances will be greatly heightened!

By Logan Yuzna, Comedian, Writer, and Film Director

Images from the printed version of Empire Magazine Italy